I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
