Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
two words...techno handjob
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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