Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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