what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize