I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
