anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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