Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
