he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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