Pappa wants mamma naked
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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