If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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