we have officially lost it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
