oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i think i have herpe
just one?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
