i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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