found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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