ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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