i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
