I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
