I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
