youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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