You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
