i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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