it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
