I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize