Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Pooping to opera.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
