i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
