I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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