I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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