Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
