Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
