Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
