very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
