she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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