You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
