I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
