So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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