you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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