well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
