Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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