the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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