I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
