The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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