I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
