Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
