its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Randomize
