stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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