All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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