Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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