imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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