I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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