fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
