Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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