ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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