my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
