ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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