You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
