went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
