hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
only if we run a train.
done.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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