this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
