You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There r osticjed everywhere
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
