I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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