Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
