U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
