Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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