I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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