I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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