I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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