CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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