I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
send nudes
from the living room?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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