Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
