It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
