There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
