So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
