It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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