Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He shit in the fireplace
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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