I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize